New year, same me

I have been battling following the path God created for me this past year. Trusting that, He knew what was best for me.

But, since trusting him; my life has been better than better. I've been given opportunities that I didn't think I was worthy of having.

Envy

The green-eyed monster comes and go. Before it used to come from seeing what others had at school and now, it comes from every direction. From school, work, friends, foes, social media.

Everywhere.

And it's not just clothes or physical items. It's sometimes relationships; friendly, romantic, or family.

Down the river

Somedays I feel so small. So insignificant. This world is so big, there's so much going on all the time.

In such a big world, I forget how big of an impact I really have. Sometimes I feel so insignificant, like all I'm doing is really not changing much. That I'm just floating along a river not making a difference.

Then, I stop and just look around and see how much potential I have. How much potential around me. How much I have done. How much I want to do!

College

With my first semester under my belt, I can't believe how much has changed just within the past 6 months.

I care about things that I didn't care about before. I have a 401K! I balance school and work (which I did before, but now it's way more of a balancing act). I have opinions about political candidates and actually know things about how our government works.

Our plan and His plan

As finals are coming close, stress is overtaking every aspect of life and doubt and reality start to set in I started to doubt what I could do. How much I could handle. How much change would occur.

When freaking out about everything that could go wrong, my mom gave me her words of wisdom: even if my plan does not work out Gods plan will be working. My plan won't include the twist and turns, but Gods plan may need those turns to create something amazing.

Holidays

The holidays can be filled with so much drama. Whether it's within family or friends or work; for some reason the holiday season can bring up some nasty sides of people.

Mom

I am so thankful for my mom. As I have grown I have become closer and closer with her. But, especially in the last few months we have blossomed into a new relationship. It's not all you can or can't do this, we talk more just about life. The dynamic has changed.

Questions.

*Laughs and sassiness*

Me: I did not ask you a question

Jeremy: Well, I am giving you an answer

This two-second conversation made me think later that night. God answers our questions even without us asking Him to. He gives us what we need before we ask Him to. He is always in such control and even when we don't know it He is answering our questions. It may be questions we never even ask Him or questions we ask later after He has given us an answer, but He always answers.

He never leaves us or gives up on us. He is constantly taking care of us and will continue to take care of us and answer our questions for the rest of forever even though we are so unworthy of an answer. Who am I to ask the King of Kings a question and expect an answer? I am His daughter. I am loved by a God that is the definition of love. 

Every time something happens or you find yourself asking why, think about what has happened before that because that could be Gods answer or be patient for the future because God will alway answer you. Always. 

Midterm

As midterm week approaches, I'm beginning to comprehend that I am in college. This is the real world and there is no turning back. It is too late to drop out, too late to turn back. I'm stuck. This time has flown. I can not believe that I am in college like I'm a big girl now! This is what I always dreamed of. I have freedom (with my mom's permission) and as awesome as it has been I'm realizing that the past 6 weeks have not been what dreams were made of. These past 6 weeks I have been on an emotional rollercoaster.

I have gone from loving to being at home and going to Lonestar to hating it. From feeling like I was really walking in Gods plan to question why He would use me.

And looking back at these few weeks I can see where God was telling me that I was where I was supposed to be.

When my mom told me I was where God wanted me to be through a long emotional couch talk and when I got my reimbursement check from financial aid although that was more like God shouting at me. But, one of the most simplest examples was when one of my small group girls asked me where I was last week. We weren't having a small group that Sunday morning and I had a late night at work combined with a long week of school and decided to sleep in, but when she asked me it broke my heart. Not just because she expected to see me and I wasn't there, but that I was missed and she looked forward to seeing me. At that moment, God answered all of my doubt. He showed me that I was where I needed to be because she needed me. That although I felt insignificant and useless sometimes He was using me without me even realizing it!

As midterm week approaches, I feel at peace with where I'm at. I'm excited about my future because I'm excited to see where my life is going not because I'm excited to move on from this point. I feel like I have found my place in this world. That I am exactly where God wants me to be.

Plan

Whenever I thought about my college career I always figured I'd back my bags, say my goodbyes and go off to school. But that's not what God had in mind.

God's plan was not just to stay at home for college and go to Lonestar. His plan was so much more than that!

Faith life Friday: Protection

"But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one," 2 Thessalonians 3:3 NET and NIV
"But the Master never lets us down. He'll stick by you and protect you from evil," 2 Thessalonians 3:3 MSG

Faith lift Friday: Forgiveness

"Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32 MSG
"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you. with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4: 31-32 KJV

Faith lift Friday: Work

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Colossians 3:23-24 NIV

"Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people, because you know that you will receive your inheritance from the Lord as the reward. Serve the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23-24 NET

Blessed

Today at work I asked a customer how he was and his response took me aback.

I ask almost every customer how they are and I get one of three answers: good, alright or silence. But today this gentleman gave me an answered I did not expect: "hello, how are you?" "I'm blessed!" He was blessed. He wasn't good or alright, he was blessed.

Bye bye high school!

As the money rolls in and the freedom starts I'm realizing how different my life truly is now. 

My first few weeks of summer have past and I can already notice a change. I have my own set of wheels and my own income. I don't have to ask for much anymore. I don't need my mom or grandparents to take me places, I don't need to ask my mom for money to go do something. I have become pretty self sufficient. Now I'm not saying I'm doing it all on my own, but the little things I could do on my own are now bigger things I can do on my own. 

Life is changing around me and I'm changing. I'm becoming more independent, more capable, more able! And it's so exciting, yet so scary! 

Eventually, I'll have to be a real adult not just call myself an adult because I am 18.

As  I think about how scary this all is and how so much is changing I'm reminded at how constant God is! And as I start a new school and chapter in my life that God is my companion and He is with me, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in for him and dine with him and he with Me," Revelations 3:20. Thinking about all the change and newness of this chapter scares me, but with God it's not so scary.